Some of my favorite quotes from Put It In Your Act!

Describing my friend Dave…

Dave would also on occasion, take a Pep-O-Mint Life Saver, swallow it whole with a glass of water (aspirin style) and then exclaim, “Ah, that’s refreshing.”   Besides that, I guess he was pretty normal.

On the idea of writing a book called, “Urine for An Adventure”…

He reminded me of the time I was going to write a book entitled, “What to Expect When You’re Expectorating;” a handy self help book.  I disbanded that effort thinking that since a severe flu season was predicted, I’d be just yet another author following on the coattails of popular releases like “The Idiot’s Guide to Coughing” and “Sputum for Dummies.”

On trying to rid my yard of a gopher…

It quickly became apparent that the entire bush was on fire.  It was embarrassing when another neighbor who was a member of the volunteer fire department drove over and helped extinguish the fire. 

On trying to lose some girls at a Jewish Singles breakfast

The women were getting somewhat suspicious, when we all ordered 12 ounce glasses of prune juice and gulped them down as if they were shots of tequila screaming l’chaim in unison.

On giving my young son a haircut….

As soon as I turned on all the equipment, he began to cry and flail his arms wildly.  I held him down with one hand and began to Flowbee his tiny head with the other.  It was like I was shearing a small sheep. 

On following the Jewish custom of selecting a baby name after a relative that has passed away…

Like a bad game of Scrabble, we just didn’t have good letters to work with. We would simply choose a relative whose name began with the first letter of the name we liked and kill him.

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2 Comments

Filed under Humor, Jewish humor

2 responses to “Some of my favorite quotes from Put It In Your Act!

  1. Danny Chung

    Almost enough material for another book, after you leave corporate life and get released from the chains of corporate policies.

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