Tiki Barber set to read “Put It In Your Act!”

Former NY Giants running back Tiki Barber made a visit to our office today.  A few lucky colleagues won the chance to meet with him in the board room.  My friend Jason was one of the lucky winners and I asked him if he wouldn’t mind handing off a copy of my book to Mr. Barber.  Jason flawlessly executed the handoff  to Tiki who promptly placed the book in his back pocket.

Tiki then spoke to our employees at a team meeting.    I wanted to take some photos of Tiki’s back pocket, but that would have looked a bit weird.   Later at the meet & greet session, I had the opportunity to meet Tiki and told him that I hope he enjoys reading “Put It In Your Act!”  He said he’s looking forward to reading it. 

Tiki, along with his brother Ronde have authored 6 children books.  I let him know that “Put It In Your Act!”  is beter suited for teens and immature adults.  I hope he makes it past Chapter 1 – Urine for an Adventure

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Thanks for the warning – I almost ate a peanut!

Check out this informative packaging.  There is a warning that says the package may contain peanuts!  I should hope so.  That’s why I bought them!

Eggs-it stage right!

Egghead from the 1960’s Batman series portrayed by Vincent Price

I can’t eggsplain it, but Egghead was my favorite character from the Batman series I watched on TV as a kid.  The best part was how he’d integrate “Egg” into his speech.  Here’s some good eggspressions:

What do you think of Eggsistentialism?

My omelette smells eggsellent!

I’m sure Egghead bought Microsoft-(boiled) Eggcel at Egghead Software.

The eggplant parm was eggzactly what I was hankering for.

Do YOU have any good eggzamples?

Some of my favorite quotes from Put It In Your Act!

Describing my friend Dave…

Dave would also on occasion, take a Pep-O-Mint Life Saver, swallow it whole with a glass of water (aspirin style) and then exclaim, “Ah, that’s refreshing.”   Besides that, I guess he was pretty normal.

On the idea of writing a book called, “Urine for An Adventure”…

He reminded me of the time I was going to write a book entitled, “What to Expect When You’re Expectorating;” a handy self help book.  I disbanded that effort thinking that since a severe flu season was predicted, I’d be just yet another author following on the coattails of popular releases like “The Idiot’s Guide to Coughing” and “Sputum for Dummies.”

On trying to rid my yard of a gopher…

It quickly became apparent that the entire bush was on fire.  It was embarrassing when another neighbor who was a member of the volunteer fire department drove over and helped extinguish the fire. 

On trying to lose some girls at a Jewish Singles breakfast

The women were getting somewhat suspicious, when we all ordered 12 ounce glasses of prune juice and gulped them down as if they were shots of tequila screaming l’chaim in unison.

On giving my young son a haircut….

As soon as I turned on all the equipment, he began to cry and flail his arms wildly.  I held him down with one hand and began to Flowbee his tiny head with the other.  It was like I was shearing a small sheep. 

On following the Jewish custom of selecting a baby name after a relative that has passed away…

Like a bad game of Scrabble, we just didn’t have good letters to work with. We would simply choose a relative whose name began with the first letter of the name we liked and kill him.

Exit stage left

My Garmin GPS is ok, but the voice was boring.  I changed it to the French voice, but even with 5 years of French, I couldn’t understand it.  Fearing my insurance rates would rise, I chose the British voice, named her Ruthie though I still yearn for something a bit more entertaining.  Do they make celebrity voices?  I would love a Snagglepuss voice.  Just imagine his voice guiding your travels:

Heavens to Murgatroid, when possible make a U turn!

Take the next exit stage left, even.

Oh my achin’ sacroiliac, watch the speed bump even!

Click to listen Exit stage right, or Hold it – Stop even!